MINISTERS MATTER

HAPPY 39TH WEDDING ANNIVERSAY JOYCE

Today I dedicate my blog to Joyce, my wife of 39 years.

We were married on August 30, 1969 surrounded by family and friends with hopes for a good life together. Little did we know the plans God had for us but we can say without reservation, that His plans continue to give us a future and a hope.

Having fallen in love back in 1968, we have stayed in love and brought two beautiful children into the world, Kimberly-Ann Sabourin and Jason Boucher.

They have blessed our lives with two amazing partners in Stephane and Lori, along with seven beautiful grand-children. Tristan, Ryan, Tref, Parker, Grace, Emma & Ally.

As you can see, we are rich beyond measure with our love for each other, our children and our grand-children.

Thank you Joyce for loving me and being the best partner a man could ever have. You have been by my side through thick and thin. You have weathered every storm and stood the test of circumstances that would have defeated a lesser woman.

Your life is marked by dedication, determination and a divine calling in everything you do.

I am honoured to see first hand how you serve the Lord Jesus, your husband, your family and your church community, all with passion and purpose.

Proverbs 31:10 asks this question, "An excellent wife who can find?" I want to say, for all the world to hear, "I found one!"

Joyce, you are the center of my life and of our wonderful family. Like the picture above, you are not only pretty in pink but your hands are always filled with gifts - for others! Your life has always been about others!

Thank you for inviting me to share the last 14,246 days with you. It continues to be a blast.

I love you and I know I am going to hear you say, "I love you more."

Happy Anniversary Babe!

THE FIVE NEEDS OF A HUSBAND

If you are a married woman reading this blog, do you know the five major needs of your husband? As you read these five, how accurate are they in your marriage relationship?

Gentlemen, are these true for you? What else would you add to the list?

If you are a single man, how accurate is this list in your relational priorities?

The first is sexual fulfillment. The typical wife doesn't understand her husband's deep need for sex anymore than the typical husband understands his wife's deep need for affection. But these two ingredients can work very closely together in a happy, fulfilled marriage. Sex can come naturally and often, if there is enough affection.

The second need for a man is recreational companionship. He needs her to be his playmate. It is not uncommon for women, when they are single, to join men in pursuing their interests. They find themselves hunting, fishing, playing football, and watching sports and movies they would never have chosen on their own.

After marriage wives often try to interest their husbands in activities more to their own liking. If their attempts fail, they may encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities without them. But this option is very dangerous to a marriage, because men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. Among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband.

A husband's third need is an attractive spouse. A man needs a wife who looks good to him. Dr. Harley states that in sexual relationships most men find it nearly impossible to appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone--there must be more. A man's need for physical attractiveness in a mate is profound.

The fourth need for a man is domestic support. He needs peace and quiet. So deep is a husband's need for domestic support from his wife that he often fantasizes about how she will greet him lovingly and pleasantly at the door, about well-behaved children who likewise act glad to see him and welcome him to the comfort of a well-maintained home.

The fantasy continues as his wife urges him to sit down and relax before taking part in a tasty dinner. Later the family goes out for an evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax, talk together, and perhaps watch a little television until they retire at a reasonable hour to love each other. Wives may chuckle at this scenario, but this vision is quite common in the fantasy lives of many men. The male need for his wife to "take care of things"--especially him--is widespread, persistent, and deep.

The fifth need is admiration. He needs her to be proud of him. Wives need to learn how to express the admiration they already feel for their husbands instead of pressuring them to greater achievements. Honest admiration is a great motivator for men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He sees himself capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.

From the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

THE FIVE NEEDS OF A WIFE

If you are a married man reading this blog, do you know the five major needs of your wife? As you read these five, how accurate are they in your marriage relationship?

Ladies, are these true for you? What else would you add to the list?

If you are a single woman, how accurate is this list in your relational priorities?

The first need is for affection. To most women affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: (1) I'll take care of you and protect you; (2) I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you; (3) I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of you.

Men need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. A hug can communicate all of the affirmations of the previous paragraph. But, affection can be shown in many ways such as: kisses, cards, flowers, dinners out, opening the car door, holding hands, walks after dinner, back rubs, phone calls--there are a thousand ways to say "I love you." From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement of her relationship with a man.

The second need is conversation. Wives need their husbands to talk to them and to listen to them; they need lots of two-way conversation. In their dating life prior to marriage, most couples spent time time showing each other affection and talking. This shouldn't be dropped after the wedding. When two people get married, each partner has a right to expect the same loving care and attention that prevailed during courtship to continue after the wedding. The man who takes time to talk to a woman will have an inside track to her heart.

The third need is honesty and openness. A wife needs to trust her husband totally. A sense of security is the common thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security. To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. If she can't trust the signals he sends, she has no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting to him, she always feels off balance; instead of growing toward him, she grows away from him.

Financial commitment is a fourth need a wife experiences. She needs enough money to live comfortably: she needs financial support. No matter how successful a career a woman might have, she usually wants her husband to earn enough money to allow her to feel supported and to feel cared for.

The fifth need is family commitment. A wife needs her husband to be a good father and have a family commitment. The vast majority of women who get married have a powerful instinct to create a home and have children. Above all, wives want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to commit themselves to the moral and educational development of their children.

From the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

14. A STRONG MARRIAGE

In the book, '15 Characteristics of Effective Pastors' Kevin Mannoia and Larry Walkemeyer make a strong argument that pastors are not only called but there are principles that will make them more effective.

I would like to highlight those 15 characteristics over the next series of blogs and ask us, as pastors, to review our own effectiveness, or as Jesus would describe it as our fruitfulness in ministry.

Effective pastors make building their marriage a high priority. They also enjoy married life apart from ministry and it fortifies all they do.

These pastors cherish, affirm and represent their spouse equally in private and public. This creates a culture of honour and they reap a harvest of good fruit as a result.

Because marriage finds its source in God, and is meant to make us holy not just happy, it is the best place to prove the principles of the Kingdom work.

Effective pastors model good marriages. How they live is not a formula for ensuring good ministry, but it is evidence that they understand the Kingdom and live it principles in a healthy way.

If we can't take care of our family, what makes us think God will let us take care of His?

At Mission O, Minsters Matter!